Yes, it's supposed to be that messy
The post called "Building and wrecking walls of words," by Jeannine Atkins, really spoke to me. A sample: "I used to have a fantasy that one day I’d get the hang of this, and put in the right words the first time. Now I take the rhythm of type-delete-type for granted. Starting out writing badly is kind of the point. There’s a lot of scatter before sentences. Words like to free flow before lining up ..."